Mugsy diverts mosque funds for home project

I have just spent two hours locked outside as two strange men ripped up the flooring of the ayatollah compound and carted it off in their van, no doubt to sell on eBay for its value as a religious relic. The carpet was more than a decade old and showing its age. Plus, Wendell had run out of places to mark after his wild puppyhood. God willing, he will take his time before starting on this new canvas. We think he is finally past that stage.


Unfortunately, the infidels from Lowe's did not order enough carpet, so they will have to make another trip. Which means I may find myself locked outside or otherwise confined yet again. Lowe's treads perilously close to a fatwa and boycott, my flock. Perilously close. 


Still, I must admit that I'm satisfied with the new-look living room. 

P.S. -- Many thanks to my friends for their help moving the furniture yesterday. You have surely reserved a spot for yourselves in Heaven. Now the next time you visit, we can put you to work replacing that decrepit fence in the back yard ...