Monday, June 21, 2010

Mugsy comments on World Cup

I've been trying to get into watching the World Cup, even though the Pugistani team didn't qualify after Wendell received two yellow cards for urinating on the soccer ball. But it's been difficult. I know this is the world's most popular sport, but that doesn't mean it's perfect. In fact, there's one big flaw: The fact that so many matches end in draws. As the saying goes, a tie is like kissing your litter-mate. 

It offends my competitive nature to see players celebrating wildly after a tie -- after they've played 90 minutes and won nothing. New Zealand managed a 1-1 tie against Italy on Sunday, and the Kiwi coach was practically gushing. "It’s the most incredible result we’ve had across the board," coach Ricki Herbert said. "As a football coach, it’s way above anything we’ve achieved in the history of the game. We are always daring to dream. At the World Cup anything is possible — we’ve seen some strange results — but nothing as big as that one.”

Seriously, coach? A 1-1 tie is the grandest achievement in your nation's athletic history? Can anyone imagine hearing such nonsense uttered about one of the more popular sports in America? I can picture the conversation now:

Fan No. 1: "Remember when Joe Montana hit Dwight Clark in the back of the end zone for "The Catch" to seal a 27-27 tie in the NFC Championship Game? That was amazing!"

Fan No. 2: "Yeah, that gave me goosebumps to see the final score all tied up like that, with both the Niners and the Cowboys advancing to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl. But for me, the greatest moment in sports history was when injured center Willis Reed came limping onto the court in Game 7 of the 1970 NBA Finals and willed the Knicks to a 113-113 draw and a share of the championship. I was so happy that neither team lost!" 

My flock, I struggle to take seriously a sport that so often fails to produce a winner. This is why we play games, is it not? To win? So the World Cup has left me no choice but to issue a fatwa!

By the power of my binding religious decree, I hereby declare that the powers that be in soccer must look into a revolutionary concept called "overtime." And they also must immediately seize all those annoying
vuvuzelas from fans and hand them over to the local canines to be used as chew toys. 


jan said...

I totally agree. But the kick off that they have when a winner is necessary is stupid. We think they should play until one scores even if it takes weeks.

Anonymous said...

Well i think that this is just a stage to advance to the game and they do declare a winner as it gets smaller ....

Anonymous said...

i think you should not disparage 'futball' as you are more successful playing this game than you would a hockey stick, dribble a ball or throwing a hail mary. :-)


Ayatollah Mugsy said...

I'm all for a weeklong match, Jan. Maybe they could wear out all the vuvuzela-blowers that way.

I'm not disparaging the sport, Z. I enjoy watching it, vuvuzela noise notwithstanding. I just think it's anticlimactic to have so many games end in ties. It wouldn't kill them to play an extra period and see if one team can't "assert its dominance" in a way that we canines would understand.