My flock, I come to you today with a heavy heart and soggy paws. As some of you know, the ayatollah compound was recently befallen by a series of household disasters. What began with a broken toilet line and a 100-year indoor flood was followed by pestilence, famine and a swarm of june bugs. The heavy-duty dehumidifying equipment and fans in the compound to clear out all the water caused a power surge that zapped our air conditioner, Internet cables and microwave (hence, the famine). While all this was going on, a "deep-cover" Pugistani spy ring was also compromised by the authorities, but fortunately, the feds do not seem to grasp what they have come across.
We are gradually restoring order to the compound, my flock. A series of chew-toy riots have been quelled. The leaders of this uprising apparently thought they could take advantage of the situation, but my brother Wendell and I have put them in their place and spilled their cotton as a warning to others who would seek to throw off the yoke of chew-toy servitude. I rule this empire with an iron paw! And as much as I despise bathtime, no amount of moisture will change that.
Our air conditioner was restored, with the thermostat reading 98 degrees as it blinked back to life -- not a moment too soon. Our Internet connection is now back online, and other repairs will be scheduled in the coming days and weeks.
It will not be easy, my flock, but the ministry will rebuild. To cover the cost of repairs, I am organizing a telethon. I urge you all to donate to this most worthy cause. In closing, please view these wrenching images of the ayatollah compound, taken during the height of the flooding crisis, and let your heartstrings and your purse strings be tugged upon in an appropriate manner.