I'd like to share with you a dispatch from Pope Pius Pug, my business partner, er, fellow religious leader in Pug Life Ministries. On his latest trip abroad, to Germany, he encountered an apparently deranged man who claimed to be the pope. This imposter had even gone so far as to call himself "God's Rottweiler," though he was quite clearly a human. Members of the elite Swiss Guard took the man, Joseph Ratzinger, into custody as he was giving a speech at a synagogue in Cologne. Pope Pius Pug promised me that Mr. Ratzinger would receive some "old-style Vatican justice." Amen to that.