Thursday, May 17, 2007

A fair offer

I have been in tense negotiations today with the American Postal Workers Union. At issue was a new study showing that dogs have been biting mail carriers less frequently. This reduction in violence coincides with my rising stature in the canine community, and it is clear that my teachings have had a positive influence. Although militant canine Islam has its place, it is imperative that we strive to reduce senseless violence. We must channel our energy in ways that would be pleasing to Allah. At the same time, the postal workers must live up to their end of the bargain. To that end, I have made this offer: I am prepared to wield my influence to reduce dog bites 40 percent over the next year. In exchange, I expect the union membership to agree to a 40 percent reduction in junk mail.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

My Master! Your influence is definately far reaching because my Mummy just showed me a flier from the USPS asking residents of our very strict canine town to make sure residents ensure the town's doggies do not bite the mailpeople.

Remember this is the town that will not allow any canine's in parks or even a canine daycare. Hence I have many servents (ie dog walkers) to take care of my many needs.

Of course,I am very insulted that we have been grouped with the term "doggies". It is most obvious that the Post Master has not met any pug - let alone me- to realize that we haven't any mouth to bite! Hence we should not be classified with all breeds.

Anyway - I just wanted to tell you how well your work is progressing in Chicago! xoxo your best concubine EVER - Aine.

TransplantedOkie said...

As always, I fully support your Pug-ness, and will work with Bob to ensure his continuation of non-violence to the postal carrier.

But rest assured, in spite of his benign appearance, he has the heart of a lion and is ready to do battle when called.

Pappy's Fella said...

Word has come to us that the 2 cent increase in the postal rate is to fill the coffers of the Pug Life Ministries. Can you comment?

Eagle The Pug said...

I am wondering the same thing as Pappy's Fella. This increase in postage that went into effect is most annoying, especially when you hear they're still going to show a loss at the USPS this year. Was all the Star Wars nonsense they're promoting currently really necessary?

Do you think they're losing money because my mother always requests that her orders for dog toys, treats, and pug sized Eagles football jerseys clothes ship via FedEx?

Ayatollah Mugsy said...

Excellent, Aine. Praise Allah!

Let us pray that we do not have to unleash Bob's inner fury, TransplantedOkie. And let the postal workers do the same.

Pappy's Fella and Eagle, don't you think that if I got 2 cents from every stamp sale that the Dogloo Mosque would already be under construction? This rumor, sadly, is not true.

I'm hoping they made money off the Star Wars promotion, Eagle. But who knows how many of those R2D2 mailboxes were stolen; that always seemed like a bad idea. Maybe the Postal Service could turn a profit if it wasn't always sponsoring bicycle riders.

rpm said...

Mugsy...our cousin, Jackson the dachshund, bit the mail carrier over at his house. The mail lady was handing Aunt Sue, his mama, a package and he decide he would just take a bite at her leg! He got written up. But nothing bad came from it. With your negotiations with the mail carriers union, ask them to just drop the packages without approaching our people and they will stay safe! But we all know that dachshunds have big mouths and sharp teeth and are very bossy. We pugs would never bite the mail carrier.

James Beauregard daPug said...

Oh, man! Me and Mama have never laughed so hard!

Mama's vision was blurred because her face was all squenched-up laughing and she thought rpm said the mail lady was handling Aunt Sue.

Shiao said...

oh great ayatollah, i, sachi the pug appreciate your comment on my pacifier photo. we are in agreement to non violence towards postal carriers, although i do enjoy scaring them with my barks.

T-man said...

Mom and I are happy to hear of your negotiations. Mom does lots of cussing when she gets junk mail which I know is against your teachings...

T-man