Mugsy appears on Comedy Central Roast

LOS ANGELES (Variety) -- In perhaps the most bizarre scene on a TV series known for its bizarre moments, Wednesday's Comedy Central Roast of Ayatollah Mugsy became the first such event in which no insults were hurled at the show's guest of honor.


Instead, a host of comedians praised the radical canine cleric for his service to the community and his boundless wisdom. Guinness World Records reported that the broadcast set the record for most uses in an hour of the phrase "that's a good boy!"


Andrew "Dice" Clay started the evening off by offering a rare profanity-free set and then bowing before the pug as he asked if he could shake his hand. The imam held out until Clay fished around in his pocket and found a Snausage to offer. 


Prop comic Carrot Top brought a large chest full of toys and presented them as offerings to the ayatollah, whom he called his "spiritual leader and guiding light." Mugsy nodded graciously and accepted the gifts, which were believed to be bound for his younger brother Wendell. 


Midway through the show, it appeared that comedian Jim Norton would be the first to break the insult barrier. "You know how ugly the ayatollah is?" he asked, before appearing to glance at Mugsy's personal security detail, which included a dozen heavily armed bulldogs. "The ayatollah is ... aw, who am I kidding. This little guy is adorable -- I just want to pat his soft little head!"


Other highlights included Sarah Silverman begging for entrance into the cleric's harem, Craig Robinson performing an original musical composition in honor of Mugsy's appearance and Gilbert Gottfried rubbing the ayatollah's belly for the duration of his four-minute set.

___________

This post is dedicated to comedian Greg Giraldo, who died Wednesday at age 44.

Mugsy recovers from surgery

Greetings, my flock. I come to you this weekend with a new line of stitches to affirm my legendary toughness. I went under the knife on Monday to have a tumor removed from my leg. The incision was near my knee, giving rise to concerns that my mobility might be affected. But as my recent leap onto father's lap in my favorite recliner shows, I am as resilient as ever. I am fully recovered from surgery, and I look forward to many more years leading the ministry. 


I want to thank my little brother Wendell for filling in as interim ayatollah on Monday. He showed remarkable acumen for such a young pup, putting down an attempted chew toy rebellion and leveraging the ministry's nuclear program to extort biscuits from the international community as if he were an old pro. I see a bright future for young Wendell, my flock. A bright future, indeed. Who knows -- he may even follow me into the clergy full-time. 


With all that said, there is one issue that concerns me greatly. While I was under the influence of anesthesia and dreaming about rawhide angels on Monday, the veterinarian cleaned my teeth. She found one that was loose and pulled it. But I have not received that tooth, my flock. It has vanished, leaving me no opportunity to summon the Tooth Fairy for a lopsided financial transaction. I scoured eBay, half-expecting to find it listed for a six-figure sum by an unscrupulous veterinary assistant. But there was no trace of my tooth. Now I am beginning to suspect that mother took it in the hopes of meeting her favorite silver-screen heartthrob. 

Would mother betray her eldest son for the chance to meet
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson? And does she realize that
he is an actor and merely played the Tooth Fairy in a movie?

Wendell named interim ayatollah

I have placed Wendell in charge of the ministry for the day. If he asks you for a Milkbone, it would be prudent to comply. 

Florida pastor seeks meeting with Mugsy

GAINESVILLE, Fla. (AP) -- The Rev. Terry Jones revealed the end game of his week-long drama late Friday when he said that his congregation would not burn copies of the Quran if he could get a free vacation and meet with enigmatic canine Muslim leader Ayatollah Mugsy.


Members of Jones' Dove World Outreach Center said the pastor simply wanted to pet the ayatollah's soft fur, as well as that of his younger brother Wendell. Congregants said Jones had not been allowed to have a dog growing up. 


"Actually, this explains a lot," said Gainesville psychiatrist Gloria Redd. 


In Washington, President Barack Obama scheduled a special news conference so that he could audibly breathe a sigh of relief. It was Obama's sixth time addressing the threatened Quran burning in the last five days. Aides said the White House would now consider addressing the nation's high unemployment rate. 


Jones boarded an airplane to Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport late Friday in the hopes of meeting Ayatollah Mugsy at his Dallas-area compound. But officials with the ayatollah's Pug Life Ministries hinted that the pug had no interest in meeting with Jones and, in fact, would rather welcome a circus of fleas to his hackles. 


"We don't even open the front door when those bicycle-riding, book-toting gentlemen in the nice clothing knock," said one top chew toy aide, who quacked on the condition of anonymity. "We're certainly not going to welcome an ill-mannered boor with a silly mustache into the house."

Mugsy addresses planned Quran-burning

The pastor of a Florida church says his congregation plans to go through with its plan to burn Qurans on Sept. 11 despite the objections of Gen. David Petraeus, who warned that the action could endanger American troops.

Terry Jones, pastor of Dove World Outreach Church in Gainesville, says he wants to send a message to radical Muslims that America won't be controlled "by their fears and threats." Instead, he prefers to let his own fears and threats light the way. Jones says he is taking the general's warning seriously and understands that his actions could provoke violent opposition in Iraq and Afghanistan. But, apparently, a good book-burning is just too much fun to pass up. As an ayatollah who has gotten years of mileage (and toasty winter fireplaces) out of The Satanic Verses, I can sympathize. 

Oh, how angry I would be if
you purchased and burned
thousands of my bumper stickers
as well!

But the Nobel Peace Prize aspirant in me tells me there has got to be a better way. So I come before you today to offer a compromise solution. Mr. Jones, do not burn the holy Qurans. Instead, show your hatred of Muslims by burning posters of yours truly. Surely the image of my stern visage, my paw-printed turban and my Dogloo mosque will stir the pyromaniac fury of your congregation. Just imagine the sight of tens of thousands of Ayatollah Mugsy posters, crackling and blackening and curling, ashes tossed to the wind as your congregation roars its approval. And if you order today and choose premium shipping, they can all be at your church's doorstep by Sept. 11, in deluxe flammable packaging. Visit my online gift shop to take advantage of this special offer. 

A league of our own

I am considering starting the first-ever Pug Life Ministries Fantasy Football League, with a prize from the ministry's gift shop going to the second-place finisher. (It would not be sporting of me to award a prize to my own team.) If you're interested in taking part, e-mail me or send me a message on Facebook. 

Mugsy visits Yellowstone

"The park seems so empty now that the ayatollah is gone," said one bison.

YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK (AP) -- Three-thousand bison rallied Monday in the world's oldest national park, vowing to remember the lessons handed down to them by their spiritual leader Ayatollah Mugsy. 


The pug wrapped up his visit to Yellowstone and Grand Teton national parks late Sunday, returning to his Texas compound. He had announced his last-minute vacation plans only nine days earlier, declaring on a nationally televised broadcast dubbed "The Decision" and on his Facebook page that he would be "taking my talents to Yellowstone."


Over the course of a 3,500-mile road trip, the enigmatic canine cleric met with numerous bison, elk, deer, antelope, otter, wolf, coyote and bear followers. Officials with the ayatollah's Pug Life Ministries said that the journey was especially important because the park lacks Wi-Fi, leaving its animals unable to keep up with Mugsy's teachings online. 

Members of a bison family share a solemn moment of reflection.

As one bison sounded the call to prayer early Monday on a misty meadow, several of his cohorts blocked traffic to ensure that no humans interfered with the herd's solemn commemoration of the ayatollah's visit. They vowed to repeat the ceremony daily. The Old Faithful geyser was lowered to half-staff for the day to mark the pug's departure. 


Meanwhile, in nearby Jackson, Wyo., movie star Harrison Ford confirmed to the website TMZ.com that he had been granted an audience late last week with the ayatollah, whom he called "my spiritual guide and mentor." He said he had met with the religious icon and his younger brother Wendell at a popular pizza joint on Thursday. 

Mugsy's dinner was reportedly dictated by a divine sign.

"His Excellency said he saw a sign at Yellowstone that provided divine guidance as far as where we should eat," said Ford, 68. "I don't question the ayatollah; I was just honored to be in his presence. Calista [Flockhart, Ford's new wife] would have joined us, but she never eats on days that start with a 'T' or an 'S.'"

The eyes have it

Today, my flock, I had the most enormous glob of gunk covering my eye that the world has ever seen. God willing, it will fetch big bucks on eBay.

I plead the Fifth ...

SANTA FE, N.M. (Bloomberg News) -- Academy Award-winning actor Gene Hackman has gone missing, and police believe he may have been abducted by a Texas-based religious cult as part of an escalating feud with Lowe's Companies Inc. Hackman has done voiceover work for many of the home improvement retailer's television and radio ads.


Police say that a note found in the actor and novelist's Santa Fe home read simply: "We have Mr. Hackman. He will be returned once the spare bedroom is finished and we have received adequate monetary compensation." No fingerprints were found on the stationery, but police said there was a large amount of fur in the home's entryway. The Hackman family does not own any pets. 


Police believe the spare bedroom in question is at a place dubbed "the ayatollah compound," the home of canine cult leader Ayatollah Mugsy. Sgt. Mike Davis of the Santa Fe Police Department said that officers are working to obtain a search warrant but that they aren't sure of the ayatollah's street address. 


"We've heard reports that he lives in a secret lair on a private island off the West Coast, with a mountain carved in the image of his face," Davis said. "But that's all unconfirmed. The truth is, we don't know where to find this pug, or Mr. Hackman."


Representatives of the ayatollah's Pug Life Ministries have thus far refused to meet with police, asserting that they have sovereignty over their own affairs and are not bound by the laws of humans. The ministry last week launched a boycott of Lowe's, alleging shoddy service by carpet-installation workers affiliated with the store. 


Hackman, 80, said in 2008 that he had retired from acting. He has written three novels since 1999. 


Tom Gregory, a psychiatrist in Santa Fe, said that if the two-time Oscar winner had, indeed, been abducted by Ayatollah Mugsy, there was a very real danger of Stockholm Syndrome setting in. 


"This is a syndrome in which the kidnapped grow fond of their attackers -- something that I would consider highly likely with such a charismatic figure as the ayatollah," he said.

Legal challenge to the ministry

The ministry's gift shop has been named in a frivolous cease-and-desist letter, my flock. An infidel who has a trademark on a bowling design claims that it gives him dominion over all uses of the word "pinhead." If this were the case, he would be owed royalties by all who crossed his path and then muttered the word under their breath as they walked away from him. Though he clearly has much personal experience with being a pinhead, his knowledge of copyright and trademark law is sorely lacking. In short, my flock, he has picked a fight with the wrong pug. Not only have I passed the bar in Pugistan, but I have also served as judge, jury and executioner for countless chew toys. My team of legal beagles is researching relevant cases as we speak. God willing, this infidel will regret crossing Pug Life Ministries. It is time for some justice, ayatollah-style.

You heard it here first

A new CNN poll shows that a quarter of Americans doubt that President Obama is a U.S. citizen. Perhaps the number would be higher if more humans read my blog, where I last year revealed the president's TRUE birth certificate. Spread the word, my flock!

Lowe's: Let's boycott something together

FRISCO, Texas (AP) -- Tens of thousands of protesters spontaneously took to the streets of suburban Dallas on Tuesday morning in a show of solidarity with a fiery canine cleric and his boycott of home-improvement retailing giant Lowe's. 


At issue was a carpeting project at the secret compound of Ayatollah Mugsy. According to sources within the ayatollah's Pug Life Ministries, installers phoned early Tuesday to say that they had not ordered enough carpet and would have to return at a later date. This was a repeat of a carpeting installation project conducted mere weeks earlier, said ministry sources, who wished to remain anonymous. In the earlier project, Lowe's was contracted to install flooring in two rooms but only brought enough carpet for one. 


"That's just wrong!" said irate protester Mike Thompson. "If I order a burger at McDonald's, they don't tell me they'll have to bring me the bun next week. This kind of ineptitude has to be stopped!" 


Thompson was carrying a large placard that read "Lowe's Burn in Hell," and he was accompanied by his wife and three children. 


"I thought this was an important occasion, so I pulled my dumbest son out of summer school so that he could take part," Thompson said. "We have to stand up against injustice, in all its forms."


Protester Gloria Ramos echoed that sentiment. As she burned an effigy of Lowe's Companies Inc. Chairman and CEO Robert Niblock outside Stonebriar Centre mall, she led a crowd in chants of "Hey hey, ho ho, Lowe's infidels have got to go."


Police cordoned off the parking lots around the city's Lowe's store, and officers engaged in an uneasy standoff with a pack of angry terriers, some wielding torches and pitchforks. One Scottie dog was flicking a cigarette lighter and standing beside what appeared to be a Molotov cocktail. Officers called the situation volatile. 


"Those Lowe's idiots ... [expletive deleted] with the wrong pug," said Officer Frank Reynolds, a six-year veteran of the force. "And now we've gotta try to contain the mess."


The ayatollah, believed to be the unchallenged leader of the world's largest interfaith, interspecies ministry, had not appeared in public to protest as of Wednesday morning, but he was believed to be hard at work behind the scenes organizing a boycott of the retailer. Share's of Lowe's (NYSE: LOW) were plunging fast, down 2.44 percent on news of the boycott as of 10 a.m. Wednesday. 


A ministry source said Ayatollah Mugsy "sneezed in the general direction of Lowe's," strong words indicating the depths of the canine cleric's ire. The pug, 9, led a crippling boycott of Comcast in 2005 that produced a major shakeup of the corporate board and nearly forced the telecommunications giant into bankruptcy. 

OK, here's the situation ...

Don't forget to tune in to the season premiere of Jersey Shore on Thursday, when Wendell and I will be making a very special guest appearance. In the episode, Wendell moves to Miami and falls in with the wrong crowd. He styles his fur into a "blowout" haircut, injects copious amounts of steroids and spends eight hours a day dancing and paw-pumping at a South Beach club. My only option for saving him is to go undercover and infiltrate the "Guido" subculture, so I apply fake tanner until my fur is orange and head to Florida to win Wendell's redemption. Along the way, I'll lecture Snooki and The Situation on morality, and I may even find true love with J-Woww. Don't miss it, my flock!

Profiles in narcissism

I wanted to write this sermon yesterday, but I didn't have time. That is all right, however. As it turns out, the events of today have only confirmed my earlier thoughts: LeBron James is a raging egomaniac who's lost all touch with reality. 


It's not often that I -- the pug, the myth, the legend -- have occasion to call someone an egomaniac. But in this instance, the high-top sneaker clearly fits. The basketball player wrapped up his year-long spectacle tonight by announcing that he'd leave his hometown Cleveland Cavaliers to play for the Miami Heat. I don't begrudge anyone their choice of where and how to earn a living. But the way James handled the process was obscene and classless. 


Rather than merely signing a contract and announcing his decision, James felt he had to make a splash. His elevated sense of self-worth would not allow the self-proclaimed "king" to accept a job offer like a mere commoner. (His first post on his new Twitter page this week read "Hello World, the Real King James is in the Building 'Finally.'" Maybe that little social networking site will catch on now that his royal highness has deigned to grace it with his presence.) After requiring all his NBA suitors to come to him for meetings at his Cleveland office, James set up an hour-long, prime-time TV special on ESPN dubbed "The Decision." "The," because in LeBron's warped world, it was the only decision that mattered. 

While James was busy earlier this week announcing that he would ... announce, a younger superstar who is arguably already LeBron's equal in terms of talent humbly accepted a boatload of money for a contract extension in Oklahoma City. Kevin Durant's announcement came on his Twitter page: "Exstension for 5 more years wit the #thunder....God Is Great, me and my family came a long way...I love yall man forreal, this a blessing!"


OK, so his spelling isn't the greatest. But the youngest-ever NBA scoring champ has the sweetest jump shot in the league and arms a mile long to go with his great attitude and humble demeanor, so we shall let that slide. The point is, Durant expressed gratitude for the opportunities he's been given. He's a team player who doesn't put himself on a pedestal. The wallpaper on his Twitter page pictures his teammates but not himself. If I were starting a franchise, I'd take Durant over LeBron in a heartbeat.


But back to LeBron James, a player who's never won a championship and seemed to already have his foot out the door as his Cavaliers were embarrassed in the playoffs this year, and my assertion that he's lost touch with reality. When he announced the hour-long TV special, I thought it was a virtual lock that he would return to the Cavaliers. How could a decent human being possibly go on such a forum on national TV and rub his decision in the faces of all the Ohioans who had supported him and cheered him since he was a boy? In the faces of his teammates and the front office that put together the league's best regular-season team this year? Surely if he were going anywhere else, he'd put aside the spectacle and exit his hometown with some dignity. But the Akron native was oblivious to this obvious notion, blinded by his ego. An ego that told him that everyone watching on TV loved King James as much as he loved himself.


I'm sure they love LeBron in South Beach right now, but expect the backlash to be severe elsewhere. As the recent July Fourth holiday reminded us, this country doesn't take kindly to kings.  

Ministry rebuilding after flood

My flock, I come to you today with a heavy heart and soggy paws. As some of you know, the ayatollah compound was recently befallen by a series of household disasters. What began with a broken toilet line and a 100-year indoor flood was followed by pestilence, famine and a swarm of june bugs. The heavy-duty dehumidifying equipment and fans in the compound to clear out all the water caused a power surge that zapped our air conditioner, Internet cables and microwave (hence, the famine). While all this was going on, a "deep-cover" Pugistani spy ring was also compromised by the authorities, but fortunately, the feds do not seem to grasp what they have come across. 


We are gradually restoring order to the compound, my flock. A series of chew-toy riots have been quelled. The leaders of this uprising apparently thought they could take advantage of the situation, but my brother Wendell and I have put them in their place and spilled their cotton as a warning to others who would seek to throw off the yoke of chew-toy servitude. I rule this empire with an iron paw! And as much as I despise bathtime, no amount of moisture will change that. 


Our air conditioner was restored, with the thermostat reading 98 degrees as it blinked back to life -- not a moment too soon. Our Internet connection is now back online, and other repairs will be scheduled in the coming days and weeks. 


It will not be easy, my flock, but the ministry will rebuild. To cover the cost of repairs, I am organizing a telethon. I urge you all to donate to this most worthy cause. In closing, please view these wrenching images of the ayatollah compound, taken during the height of the flooding crisis, and let your heartstrings and your purse strings be tugged upon in an appropriate manner.

Perhaps the Nobel committee desires a revote

This sounds serious: Al Gore's accuser has invoked the legendary virility of the poodle.

Mugsy praises censorship

I am pleased to see that our brothers in Pakistan are taking steps to stamp out online blasphemy. God willing, this scourge will be stopped.

Wendell's new vocation

My little brother Wendell has asked me to spread the word about his new blog, The Capitalist Pug. It seems that young Wendell has become a financial guru -- who knew? He tells me that he was inspired by Bernie Madoff. I'm proud of him for taking the initiative and entering this new career phase. I always hoped he'd follow my pawsteps into the clergy, but I'm sure he'll do a fine job as a financial adviser. He's even offering free advice -- you can e-mail him your questions or post them on his blog. Just keep in mind Wendell's disclaimers. He is a 2-year-old pug, after all. 


Best of luck, Wendell. And do not forget to advise the "small people" to tithe.

Mugsy comments on World Cup

I've been trying to get into watching the World Cup, even though the Pugistani team didn't qualify after Wendell received two yellow cards for urinating on the soccer ball. But it's been difficult. I know this is the world's most popular sport, but that doesn't mean it's perfect. In fact, there's one big flaw: The fact that so many matches end in draws. As the saying goes, a tie is like kissing your litter-mate. 


It offends my competitive nature to see players celebrating wildly after a tie -- after they've played 90 minutes and won nothing. New Zealand managed a 1-1 tie against Italy on Sunday, and the Kiwi coach was practically gushing. "It’s the most incredible result we’ve had across the board," coach Ricki Herbert said. "As a football coach, it’s way above anything we’ve achieved in the history of the game. We are always daring to dream. At the World Cup anything is possible — we’ve seen some strange results — but nothing as big as that one.”


Seriously, coach? A 1-1 tie is the grandest achievement in your nation's athletic history? Can anyone imagine hearing such nonsense uttered about one of the more popular sports in America? I can picture the conversation now:

Fan No. 1: "Remember when Joe Montana hit Dwight Clark in the back of the end zone for "The Catch" to seal a 27-27 tie in the NFC Championship Game? That was amazing!"

Fan No. 2: "Yeah, that gave me goosebumps to see the final score all tied up like that, with both the Niners and the Cowboys advancing to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl. But for me, the greatest moment in sports history was when injured center Willis Reed came limping onto the court in Game 7 of the 1970 NBA Finals and willed the Knicks to a 113-113 draw and a share of the championship. I was so happy that neither team lost!" 

My flock, I struggle to take seriously a sport that so often fails to produce a winner. This is why we play games, is it not? To win? So the World Cup has left me no choice but to issue a fatwa!

By the power of my binding religious decree, I hereby declare that the powers that be in soccer must look into a revolutionary concept called "overtime." And they also must immediately seize all those annoying vuvuzelas from fans and hand them over to the local canines to be used as chew toys. 

Mugsy diverts mosque funds for home project

I have just spent two hours locked outside as two strange men ripped up the flooring of the ayatollah compound and carted it off in their van, no doubt to sell on eBay for its value as a religious relic. The carpet was more than a decade old and showing its age. Plus, Wendell had run out of places to mark after his wild puppyhood. God willing, he will take his time before starting on this new canvas. We think he is finally past that stage.


Unfortunately, the infidels from Lowe's did not order enough carpet, so they will have to make another trip. Which means I may find myself locked outside or otherwise confined yet again. Lowe's treads perilously close to a fatwa and boycott, my flock. Perilously close. 


Still, I must admit that I'm satisfied with the new-look living room. 

P.S. -- Many thanks to my friends for their help moving the furniture yesterday. You have surely reserved a spot for yourselves in Heaven. Now the next time you visit, we can put you to work replacing that decrepit fence in the back yard ...

Memorial Day weekend

The ayatollah compound has seen a whirl of activity this weekend, with five houseguests visiting from far-off locales. Among other things, they introduced the ayatollah clan to bocce, adding fuel to Wendell's ball obsession. Our guests are planning to depart today, and I wish them all a safe journey home. And I pray that they will drop just a little bit more food on the floor before they go.

Whatchu talkin' bout, Allah?

Today, the world lost a legend. The great Gary Coleman has passed away. His charm, charisma and impeccable comedic timing made him a star in the late 1970s and 1980s. Unlike many series of that period, Diff'rent Strokes has stood the test of time. The episodes still hold up, at least those that were shot before the introduction of that red-headed, country-music-singing infidel Sam. And in truth, even the Great Fire-Haired Satan couldn't completely bring the show down, as long as Coleman got to deliver a few one-liners. 

Gary Coleman made me smile. He made me laugh. And today, his passing makes me sad. Sure, he peaked as a child actor. But what a peak it was. 

Rest in peace, Gary. 

Mugsy addresses Batpug rumors

Greetings, my flock. I have not had much time to blog the last couple of weeks. I've been napping a lot during the day after putting in some ... late nights at the office. Some have pointed out that my absence here coincided with a flurry of activity on the blog of my alleged alter-ego, Batpug, and a precipitous drop in the local crime rate. It's purely coincidental, I assure you ...

Day of Prayer

I wish you all a happy government-sponsored National Day of Prayer. My goal of a canine theocracy seems ever-so-slightly closer. Allahu akbar! 

Mugsy to attend Lady Gaga party

I am about to depart for a Lady Gaga party, my flock. God help me. 


Mother has been preparing since last weekend, browsing the store aisles for blonde wigs and fishnet stockings and odd items to turn into hats or masks. I have seen her wear both a plastic shark and a unicorn upon her head, and I've seen her try on two Curious George masks in ways that the manufacturer surely did not intend. A few days ago, she entered the room after applying a heavy patina of makeup. "Does this look like Lady Gaga?" she asked. I studied her face. "I think Lady Gaga looks less like a prostitute," I answered. Honesty is a virtue. Today, she found a professional to apply her eyeshadow at a local store makeup counter. 


Having made most of her preparations, mother this afternoon finally told me some details about the planned festivities. "There's gonna be a drag show," she said. "Will you be comfortable with that, given your standing as an ultra-conservative pug religious icon?"


I considered the question and shrugged. "I don't see why not," I answered. "I have no problem with racing cars."

Mugsy condemns excessive spacing

Ever since I switched to the "new and improved" Blogger, my posts are sullied by these massive spaces between paragraphs. 


See? Does anyone know of an easy way to fix this?

Day at the Cotton Bowl

I recently attended a historic gathering, my flock. What began with a blog post almost one year ago today culminated in the largest Water-Bowl Party yet at the Cotton Bowl last weekend. Dogs from across the country converged on the Dallas stadium to protest anything and everything. And to do a good bit of sniffing and biscuit-eating in the House that Doak Walker built. 

Among the topics we protested:

• High taxes and taxation without canine representation.
• Excessive government spending and regulation.
• Insufficient government social programs and the feds' inability to reign in the Wall Street "fat cats."
• People who insist on crossing the road in a slow, catty-corner manner, rather than walking straight across. 

You may think it sounds a little bit like one of those human Tea Parties, and you'd be right. Except that we canines have far better spelling and grammar on our protest signs, and the average cuteness quotient of our protesters is significantly higher. 

We also had different rules at our canine gathering. For example, a strict child leash law was in effect to minimize tail-pulling. The lad below broke free from his parents and ran around with his leash dragging on the ground for a few anxious moments before he was subdued by the Armed Revolutionary Forces (ARF). Our investment in nonlethal Taser guns has already begun to pay dividends. 

Several wading pools were set up on the field of play to help the canines stay cool. And at one point, the sprinkler system turned on without warning. This sent me high-tailing it in the opposite direction. Allah intended water to be in my bowl, not on my fur. 

One of my favorite things about such large-scale gatherings is that they give me an opportunity to mingle with my flock -- to sniff the commoners, so to bark. I met one particularly fetching pug named Delilah, who works part-time at the fine Woof store in Plano alongside her brother Wilbur. I sniffed her with great vigor -- you should've seen my tail wagging. I stuck by Delilah's side for much of the afternoon. Though I enjoyed meeting all of the fine canines in my flock, she was my favorite harem prospect. Note her ubersexy tongue.

Unfortunately, my brother Wendell has a tendency to try to insinuate himself into the middle of my dates at the most inopportune times. 

He can be such a flock-block. 

Mugsy prepares for Dog Bowl

I hope to see my Dallas-area friends at the Cotton Bowl on Sunday. It becomes a dog park from 1 to 5 p.m.! Details can be found here.

Mugsy wins Dogster award

I am honored to accept Dogster's Top Dog Blogger Award as the greatest canine Muslim blogger of the millennium. I want to thank Dogster, for recognizing true greatness, and my parents, for keeping me humble. I also want to thank Allah, without Whom none of this would have been possible. Allahu akbar!



Find more dog breeds here!
Visit Mugsy's Dogster page here!

Mugsy linked to Kyrgyzstan uprising?

BISHKEK, Kyrgyzstan -- As thousands of demonstrators gathered in the main square of the Kyrgyz capital Saturday amid sporadic gunfire, U.S. intelligence analysts said this week's uprising in the Central Asian nation bore the signs of outside influence from an enigmatic Texas-based canine cleric.


The pug, known as Ayatollah Mugsy, has long exerted considerable influence in the predominantly Muslim country, which also has a large dog population. 


"This uprising has the ayatollah's paw prints all over it," said one U.S. intelligence official, speaking on condition of anonymity. 


Citizens in the main square Saturday evening chanted slogans calling for more freedom and greater access to veterinary care and vowels. 


Opposition forces were seen carrying dog crates and other supplies Saturday into the presidential palace of President Kurmanbek Bakiyev, who was forced into hiding earlier in the week. And the many episodes of looting in the capital and surrounding areas seemed to wipe out pet aisles while leaving clothing, household products and electronics largely untouched.


"All my rawhide is gone," said Umarov Bishkiyev, a shopkeeper in central Bishkek. "And the dog food, too. All gone."


Meanwhile, at the sprawling Manas Air Base, a key facility for U.S. military operations in Afghanistan, officials were scrambling to identify the crews on a series of unauthorized early-morning cargo flights that departed the country.


"In the dead of night, these three cargo planes landed, loaded up and left -- destination unknown," said Air Force Gen. Adam Hollingshead. "We found our security at the front gate and at the tower incapacitated, apparently knocked out by some kind of sleeping gas. All the surveillance cameras were wiped out. We have no idea who flew those planes or what kind of cargo they carried."


Military investigators said they were analyzing bulldog fur found at the scene.