Friday, April 20, 2007
Mugsy left me a paw-written partial itinerary*, and I thought it might be of interest to some of the Pug Life faithful. So here it is:
April 20, 4 p.m.: Depart D/FW Airport.
April 21, 7 a.m.: Arrive in London; attempt to convert Hare Krishnas during long layover.
April 21, 2 p.m.: Prague, at last. Sleep.
April 22, 4 a.m.: Wake up, curse jet lag, wait till breakfast.
April 22, 8 a.m.: Attempt to enjoy hotel's vegan breakfast (thanks, mother).
April 22, 9 a.m.: Search city for meat market.
April 23, 2 p.m.: Commence search for the Blue Satan.
April 24, 7 p.m.: Dine at Prague Castle.
April 25, 10 a.m.: Dog-paddle the Vltava River.
April 26, 2 p.m.: Sniff the Charles Bridge.
April 27, 11 p.m.: Meet with former KGB bureau chief to discuss "best practices."
April 28, noon: Sermon at Wenceslas Square; gain new donors.
April 29, 9 p.m.: Check puggy bank, see if I have enough funds for souvenirs.
April 29, 1 p.m.: Fly to London; spend rest of day there.
Apriil 29, 7 p.m.: Sermon at Hyde Park.
* Times, dates and events altered for security reasons.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
In my absence, Mallard and Rabbi Jake will handle the day-to-day affairs of the ministry. Please direct all questions and donations to them. Peace and rawhide be upon you all.
P.S. -- Before I go, I must ask: Does anyone know the story behind this blog, which has purloined many of my posts? I am thoroughly perplexed.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Prague has a long history of defenestration -- hurling people from windows. It began in 1419 and may have continued as late as the mid-20th century, when a government minister hurtled from a window at Cerninsky palac. But the incident on which I wish to focus -- our window of opportunity for learning -- occurred on May 23, 1618.
The city was awash in sectarian strife. King Ferdinand refused to halt Catholic discrimination, and radical protestant preacher Vaclav Budova teamed with a soldier named Count Matthias Thurn in a plot against the king's two governors in Prague Castle. They recruited a team of protestants and stormed the castle's Bohemian Chancellery to confront the two men. But the conversation was brief. The protestants grabbed the men, along with an unlucky secretary, and threw them in fine Prague fashion out of a window.
But these three seemingly unfortunate men were in luck. Instead of plummeting to their deaths, they were saved. By what, you ask? A soft landing on a giant pile of dung.
The moral of the story, my esteemed flock, is this: The next time you see a canine "doing his business" in your yard, think twice before you utter a harsh word or cast a disapproving look. The product of that canine's efforts just may save your life.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Afterward, we played Trivial Pursuit, a game in which I am always victorious. The secret is (and I tell you this in confidence): If I start to fall behind, I either ransack the playing board in a fit of puggish enthusiasm or I eat one of my foes' pieces.
Monday, April 09, 2007
We believe Blue Bull has sought refuge in the former Soviet bloc, apparently unaware that communism died out in Europe over 15 years ago. The Bullshevik leader (seen above in a surveillance photo) began his journey in Moscow, seeking asylum from what he hoped would be a friendly government. After being turned away, he visited the Baltics, Hungary, Slovakia and the Czech Republic. Unfortunately, this is where -- despite the efforts of our finest sniffer dogs -- the trail ran cold.
Because this is such an important matter of national security, I am preparing a fact-finding mission to Central Europe. God willing, Blue Bull's cotton shall flow like the mighty Vltava River.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
So we departed the park and visited a nearby store called Woof. It is owned and operated by a pug named Wilbur, and he even has his own business card and Web site. Unfortunately, Wilbur was out of the office. Perhaps, God willing, my social life will improve today.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
1. Ayatollah Mugsy
4. Winston Pugsworth
6. Winston Pugg
8. Pugsley Ann & Milo
9. Mr. Pugsley
To finish first in such a knowledgeable and spiritually aware field is an accomplishment I will treasure always. I would, of course, like to thank God first and foremost. As anyone who has watched a victory speech knows, He always takes sides in competitions, be they sporting events, elections or beauty pageants. That He chose me as His teammate over all the other competitors is a great honor, though not particularly surprising.
Monday, April 02, 2007
How could this be? I am a law-abiding pug. The city last spring enacted watering restrictions -- only once a week on trash day -- and I follow them to the letter. I would never dream of breaking the rules and over-watering. As anyone who has seen my back yard would attest, I have weeds that grow 15 inches high between their weekly mow. They certainly do not need any additional water.
And yet planted in my yard is a red sign detailing my alleged infraction at 6:42 this morning. This scarlet letter is meant to serve as a badge of shame -- it insists that it remain there for all the neighborhood to see, only to be removed by city personnel. It also bears the address of a house down the street.
Perplexed by this turn of events, I went to the garage to check the controls for my in-ground sprinklers, which once doubled as a fine security system to deal with snooping nuclear inspectors. I opened the panel and scrolled through the various days of the week. For each day, the system was set to "on." The result of a power surge, perhaps? I seem to recall the system resetting itself in this manner after the power went out a year or so ago. So I can only assume that my sprinklers were, indeed, on this morning. But as Allah well knows, it was certainly not my fault. Shouldn't the city place a phone call or issue a warning of some kind before it shuts off one's water? Is this any way to treat a law-abiding, tax-paying pug? Am I not a pillar of the community?!?!
This is simply not right. And so I am organizing a protest march. We will take our righteous rage over this injustice straight to City Hall. I will recruit the most raucous, unruly canines I can find. Chihuahuas, even. God willing, we will make the Code Enforcement Department wish it had never dared to defile my yard with its silly sign and its extortionistic fine. We will shout loud slogans, clash with police and make a spectacle the likes of which this sleepy suburb has never seen. And then, when the police haul out their firehoses to disperse the crowd, the hypocrisy of the city's corrupt regime shall be revealed for all to see.